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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064624">washed away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/killmymindlarry/pseuds/killmymindlarry'>killmymindlarry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Angst, Drug Use, Drugs, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Partying, Secret Relationship, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Teenage One Direction, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:40:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29064624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/killmymindlarry/pseuds/killmymindlarry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles has one friend; Niall Horan. Having just one best friend is good enough for Harry. Who needs a large group of friends anyways? Niall decides that he does. After Niall joins a friend group that consists of their schools soccer teams worst influences, Harry wants nothing to do with any of them.</p><p>Not until he really gets to know Louis Tomlinson.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Maya Henry/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Amelia Woolley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>disclaimer: this work is complete fiction. everything these characters do and say have nothing to do with the actual individuals in real life. this story belongs to me, please do not repost ANYWHERE.</p><p>some triggers that take place in this story are drug use, homophobic language, and suicide. please do not hesitate to let me know if there is more to add.</p><p>i plan on updating once a week but bear with me because i'm a busy student.</p><p>thank you for reading i hope you enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry hates the feeling of sand between his toes, but here he is lying on the beach. He isn’t even sure if he considers this place a beach. No one knows it exists, and it's very small and secluded. That’s why he likes it, a perfect place to leave the business of his daily life behind and just forget it all. Even though the sandy feeling makes him want to rip his hair out, he finds himself back at this beach almost every day. The sound of the waves and the crisp scent of the ocean clears his mind. </p><p>Eventually, reality hits him and he stands up. Blood rushes to his head and his vision blurs swiftly. He is dehydrated. He knows that because he has been at the beach since school let out and it's nearly 8 pm. Harry rubs his forehead after he feels a sharp pain of a headache. He groans to himself as he walks over to his bike. It’s a hassle to get his bike back to the road since the only way to access the beach is through a forest of many trees and bushes. He finally gets his bike onto the pavement and starts to ride.</p><p>Harry doesn’t make it very far until he hears someone call out his name. “Hey, Haz! Wait up!” He hears from behind. Harry stops his bike and looks behind him to see his best friend Niall running towards him.</p><p>“What are you up to? I thought you were working today otherwise I would’ve invited you to Zayn’s” Niall says. Harry hops off his bike and starts to walk it beside Niall.</p><p>“Zayn? As in Zayn Malik?” Harry asks in confusion. Niall looks down and kicks a pebble on the ground as he walks. “Yes, Zayn Malik? You got a problem with him?” Niall seems to get slightly defensive. Harry has no problem with Zayn, but he doesn’t quite understand how someone like Niall would be hanging out with him. Harry and Niall are best friends, it’s just the two of them. They have no group of friends and are the exact opposite of Zayn and his posse. Zayn’s group is probably the most popular in their entire school. Harry couldn’t care less about popularity, he was just entirely unaware that Niall became friends with him.</p><p>“I have no problem with him, mate. I just didn’t know you were friends is all,” Harry explains. He drags his feet while he walks, scuffing the bottom of his sneakers. He is unable to read Niall’s emotions at the moment so he doesn’t elaborate.</p><p>“He is in my algebra class and invited me to a party. It was bonkers you totally have to go next time,” Niall chuckles to himself. A million questions start to fill Harry’s head. Why is Zayn, a junior, taking freshman algebra? Why did he invite Niall to his party since he couldn’t have known him long considering it is only the second week of school? Why is Niall leaving a party at 8 pm? Instead of asking any of his desired questions, Harry just mumbles a faint “yeah” in agreement. </p><p>“Did you fall?” Niall breaks the silence. Harry stops walking and looks at Niall in confusion. “What?”</p><p>“You have dirt all over your back. Or sand? What is this all over you?” Niall rubs the sand off of Harry’s back and then brushes it off of his hands. </p><p>“Yeah, I um- I fell off my bike earlier. I'm fine though,” He lies. There are a few things Harry doesn’t tell Niall or anyone. One of those things is his beach. The fact that no one knows it exists is refreshing to Harry. He has never seen another soul there. It feels like his own. </p><p>“Oh shit, glad you’re okay. One last thing before I head home. Zayn asked me if I wanted to sit at his lunch table tomorrow but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you joined, if you want to.” Harry does not want to. </p><p>“I don’t know, Ni. I think I’ll just sit at our usual table.” Niall gives Harry a confused look, which doesn’t make much sense since Niall knows how much Harry hates being social. “Well, you can’t sit by yourself! C’mon mate, just think about it. I’ll see you in the morning, H!” Niall pats Harry on the back and jogs in the opposite direction towards his house. Harry would rather sit by himself than surrounded by people he doesn’t know. Maybe Niall will just forget about it tomorrow.</p><p>***</p><p>Niall did not forget.</p><p>When Harry grabs his lunch tray, he sees Niall sitting at a new table. A table that’s filled with people. The table that he and Niall normally sit at is empty besides the two of them. Harry starts to head towards his empty table until he hears someone shout his name.</p><p>“Hey, Styles! Over here!” Harry turns around to see Zayn Malik waving his hand. Niall smiles and signals him to come over. He is shocked by the fact Zayn knows his last name. Harry realizes he has to sit with them now, otherwise, he would be rude. He makes his way over to Zayn’s table and slowly sits next to Niall. </p><p>“Any friend of Niall’s is a friend of ours, right boys?” the brunette sitting next to Niall gives him a pat on the back. Why are they acting like they are best friends with Niall? They have only known him for two weeks at most. Harry is Niall’s best friend, since when did he find new ones? Is Harry not good enough for Niall? </p><p>“Are you mute or something? Haven’t said a word, mate” Louis Tomlinson asks and the girl next to him slaps him on the shoulder. Harry knows that’s Louis Tomlinson because everyone knows who Louis Tomlinson is. He is the captain of the soccer team, and every girl at their school would do anything to be with him. “Stop, he’s just shy,” The girl says to Louis. She giggles as Louis puts his arm around her.</p><p>“Give him a break, Lou. We haven’t even introduced ourselves yet.” Zayn sits up in his chair and sips his water before continuing. “I’m Zayn, and this is my girlfriend Gigi.” Zayn ruffles Gigi’s hair as she waves to Harry. </p><p>Zayn introduces the rest of the table. The brown-haired boy next to Niall is Liam Payne, and his girlfriend’s name is Maya. Louis also learns the girl next to him is named Eleanor, and they’ve been dating since freshman year. Eleanor delicately brushes her hair out of her face. She seems nice, especially since she defended Harry when Louis made a snarky remark. Harry finds it weird that the most popular juniors at his school invited him and Niall to their table. Niall has never talked about them until yesterday. Something just seems off.</p><p>They chat about many things throughout lunch, mostly about soccer which causes Harry and Niall to feel slightly left out. Liam finally decides to change the topic. “So, you two have girlfriends?” Liam shoves his third slide of pizza in his mouth. </p><p>Harry chuckles to himself. He has never had a girlfriend, not even one of those kindergarten “relationships” where five-year-olds say they have girlfriends but won't even touch the girl’s hand without shying away in embarrassment. Harry has never minded it, though. It’s not like he has any desire to have a girlfriend. Niall, on the other hand, is ready to devirginize himself. That’s where Niall and Harry have their differences. Niall has always been one to obsess over girls, Harry just hasn’t had much interest. He doesn’t have time for girls with school and work.</p><p>“Nah, we’re both single. I’m ready to get out there if you know what I mean,” Niall shrugs. The guys chuckle and Liam turns to high five Niall. “That’s our boy,” Zayn reaches across the table to ruffle Niall’s hair. Harry can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that Niall is so close to this group of people in such a short amount of time. He and Niall have been friends since 5th grade, and it has always been just the two of them and no one else. Harry usually isn’t the jealous type, but this is unfamiliar territory for him. He has never had a group, and he’s not sure how he feels about it.</p><p>“So, Harry... You coming to the party tonight?” Zayn brushes his fingers through his hair. Harry does not want to go to a party. He hates parties. He knows Niall will want him there considering he's been going by himself for the past couple weeks now, but parties aren’t Harry’s thing. He’d rather be by himself, more specifically at his beach. </p><p>“Um, no I have to work actually. Sorry,” Harry doesn’t make eye contact with any of them because he is flat out lying. He doesn’t have work, he just would rather not go. When Harry looks up he sees Louis smiling at him. His blue eyes sparkle in the lighting of the cafeteria. “Maybe next time,” He says. </p><p>Harry smiles back. “Yeah, maybe next time.”</p><p>***</p><p>It has been a little over two weeks since Harry has started sitting at Zayn’s table. Surprisingly he is getting along with everyone quite well, and he could almost consider them his friends. Harry still hasn’t gone to any of their parties or hung out with them after school yet. Niall on the other hand is always out and about with the group. He hasn’t even hung out with Niall alone since they met the other guys. He feels a pang of jealousy here and there but how is it fair for him to be jealous? They have all been inviting him to hang out since day one and Harry has been too much of a pussy to say yes. </p><p>During lunch, two other guys from the soccer team walk over to their table. </p><p>“Hey, Nick. Hey Xander, what’s up?” Zayn gives the two guys fist bumps. </p><p>“Your house tonight, Malik?” One of the boys asks. Zayn smirks at them.</p><p>“You know it. Bring your best shit because my parents are out for the weekend so we can do whatever the fuck we want” Zayn lowers his voice this time. The guys all cheer, including Niall. Nick and Xander walk away shortly after the small celebration. Harry starts to wonder what happens when they all hang out. Niall isn’t the type to drink, which is what Harry assumes they are talking about. How is Harry supposed to know what Niall would or wouldn’t do? Even if it has only been a few weeks he feels as though he's grown apart from Niall. Harry is eventually jolted out of his train of thoughts.</p><p>“Hello, Earth to Harry,” Louis is waving his hand in front of Harry’s face. “What?” Harry asks.</p><p>Everyone at the table chuckles a bit. “I asked if you were coming tonight.” Harry always has this weird feeling when Louis talks to him. It’s different than when he talks to Zayn or Liam. He can’t seem to figure out what it means.</p><p>“I- Um I mean, I don’t really know,” Harry is unexpectedly interrupted by Zayn as he stands up from the table.</p><p>“Harry, come walk to the vending machine with me.” Harry is confused, but he listens to Zayn. They both walk in silence to the vending machine until Zayn starts to talk.</p><p>“Listen, kid, Niall is really fun to have around so that means you gotta be too, right? He told me you get nervous around a lot of people and that’s why you haven’t been wanting to hang out.” Harry feels his face get red in embarrassment. He isn’t wrong, it just feels like a slight smack to the face that Niall told Zayn something so personal. “I just wanted to let you know personally that we like having you around, and we would love to have you hang out with us. I know it’s probably intimidating since you’re a freshman hanging with juniors you’ve never seen before, but I promise we’re chill.” Zayn pats Harry on the back. He starts to feel slightly relieved. They actually want Harry to hang out with them? Harry doesn’t even try to hide his smile. “And to make you feel even better, there’s never a lot of people. I know we always say “party” but it’s not really, that’s just code. When we go to a real party we will make sure you know the difference.” They approach the vending machine and Zayn buys two blue Gatorades. He hands one to Harry and he mumbles a ‘thank you’.</p><p>Harry is flattered the guys are thinking of him, but he’s slightly confused about what Zayn is trying to tell him. Party is code for what? </p><p>“So, what do you say? Will you swing by tonight?” They’re almost back to the table. Harry shrugs and looks at Zayn. “Sure, why not?”</p><p>***</p><p>Harry arrives at Zayn’s house 30 minutes late. Since he had to come straight from work he decided to bring some cookies for everyone. When he knocks on the door he hears a voice yell for him to come inside. He opens the door and is shocked at the scene in front of him. Zayn, Liam, Louis, Niall, Nick, and Xander all surround a coffee table in Zayn’s living room. Harry spots a few small plastic bags filled with white powder along with a few rolled-up dollar bills and credit cards sitting on the table. Louis starts to gather the powder in a line on the table with a credit card and quickly snorts it through a rolled dollar. He sniffs multiple times and rubs his nose before falling back onto the couch. </p><p>Harry feels his stomach drop as a thousand thoughts run into his mind. So this is what they mean when they use the term “party” as a code. This isn’t a party at all, it’s worse. Harry’s gaze wanders to Niall who is leaning back on the couch. Harry walks inside to get a better view of his best friend. He doesn’t even recognize Niall at first. His pupils are extremely dilated and his eyes are bloodshot. His nose is so red and rubbed raw. He has snot dripping down to his chin. </p><p>Harry’s heart rate starts to rise as he notices the poor state Niall is in. What are these guys doing to his best friend?</p><p>“This is a coke party, not a cookie party, seems like you got the wrong idea,” Xander says as he rolls up a dollar bill. Harry looks down at the box of cookies he brought from work. Nick is the only one who laughs at his comment as they seem to be the only two left that are sober.</p><p>“What the fuck do you guys think you’re doing? Niall get up, I'm taking you home,” Harry walks over to Niall who can hardly keep his eyes open. He tugs on Niall’s arm to try and get him to stand up, but he just groans and falls back into the couch. </p><p>“Don’t ruin my high, man. Just let me crash here. I'll be fine,” Niall slurs his words as he has trouble holding his head up. He sniffs violently and rubs his nose on his sleeve. </p><p>Harry’s jaw drops. He never would’ve imagined seeing Niall like this. He looks around the room to see Zayn and Liam completely unaware of the situation. They’re too far gone to even comprehend anything. The two of them stare at the wall, eyes bloodshot and halfway closed. Liam’s nose is dripping blood but he doesn’t even move to wipe it. </p><p>“C’mon Harry, just try it. You’ll love it,” Louis says with a lazy smile. Harry scowls at him as anger starts to boil within him.</p><p>“No, I won’t fucking ‘love it’, you don’t even know me and you don’t know Niall. What the fuck did you do to him?” Harry yells and walks swiftly towards Louis. Xander stands up to grab Harry and hold him back. “What the fuck, man? Chill the hell out. Zayn, I told you that we shouldn’t have invited this kid, he’s gonna snitch!” Xander shoves Harry on the other side of him. Louis now has his elbows propped up onto the table holding his head in his hands.</p><p>“He won’t snitch, right Harry?” Zayn mumbles, drool dripping from his chin.</p><p>Harry doesn’t say anything, instead, he walks over to Niall. </p><p>“Get the fuck up, Niall.” Harry shakes Niall’s shoulder, but he doesn’t stand up. Harry feels tears fill his eyes and he tries his best to hold them back. Harry grips Niall’s shirt to pull his face closer to his own. “Fine. Stay here and kill yourself. Don’t come crying to me when you’re addicted and living on the streets, ” Harry storms out in rage and slams the door. He quickly hops on his bike and rides away.</p><p>Of course, it’s raining. Harry starts to let his tears stream down his face. Just when he finally thought he was going to make new friends, he loses his best friend and is now stuck with no one.</p><p>Once Harry arrives at the beach, he aggressively throws his bike down onto the sand. His legs give out as he falls to his knees and sobs. All this time, this is what Niall has been doing. The past two weeks Niall has been doing cocaine. Just thinking about it sends a sharp pain to Harry’s chest. He doesn’t want to lose his only friend. How does he not understand how life-threatening this is. To everyone else, it probably seems like he's overreacting. Not everyone has experienced what Harry has. How could they know?</p><p>After an hour or two of crying passes by, Harry picks his bike back up and starts to head home. He feels numb and tired. Harry feels as though he was in a deep dark hole, just about to crawl out and finally see some light, but now he slipped and fell back down. This time he’s even deeper down in this hole. He will never be able to get out now. </p><p>When Harry walks inside he sees his mother sprawled out on the kitchen floor, an image that doesn’t surprise him one bit. </p><p>Luckily Harry has gotten strong enough to pick his mother up now. She doesn’t even flinch as he brings her up to her bedroom. Harry wonders what is in her system this time. He lies her down on her bed and she barely moves. Harry stands in the door frame and looks at his mother. He feels a pang of guilt inside, feeling as though it is his fault that his mother got so bad. He wishes he would’ve realized sooner. He wishes he could get her to stop. Now he has to worry about Niall as well. A single tear streams down Harry’s face but he brushes it away quickly. </p><p>Harry heads back downstairs to clean up the mess his mother made. On the kitchen table, he sees a familiar array of items. White powder along with a rolled dollar bill. His stomach churns and he feels nauseous. He dumps it all in the trash and buries it under other pieces of rubbish. He can’t let Niall fall into the same trap. Harry can’t lose the only other person he cares about.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry goes to a party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading so far! My plan is to update every friday, hope you enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry wakes up to a blaring alarm and a pounding headache. When he opens his eyes he can feel how swollen they are from crying so much the night before. Harry doesn’t want to go to school. He knows he is going to have to sit by himself. The soccer team probably despises him after the night before. Not that Harry cares, they’re all a bunch of lowlifes if they think that shit is cool. But Niall on the other hand, he should know better. Harry thinks back to all the conversations they’ve had together. He remembers Niall telling him that he would never touch a cigarette in his life. How does Niall not realize what he’s doing is a million times worse. </p><p>When Harry finally sits up he checks his phone for the first time since before he stopped at Zayn’s house.</p><p>Niall Horan<br/>36 Messages</p><p>Unknown <br/>3 Messages</p><p>Harry clicks on the unknown number first out of curiosity. <br/>Hey man, it’s Louis</p><p>I’m really fucking sorry about earlier, I told Zayn we should’ve told you but he said you’d chicken out. We really want you to hang around, sorry we got off to a bad start.</p><p>Also, please don’t tell anyone, we can't afford to get caught. I’ve got scholarships on the line…</p><p>Harry laughs after reading Louis’ last message. Scholarships. If Louis cared about his petty little soccer scholarships then maybe he wouldn’t be getting fucked up on cocaine in his past time. Harry can tell that Louis is only using him. He is only being nice in order to keep Harry from exposing them. Harry ignores Louis’ messages and clicks on Niall’s.</p><p>Harry</p><p>Haz plz im so sorry</p><p>Ill nevr do it agn plz dont be man</p><p>lol i meant to rite mad</p><p>Harry stops reading Niall’s messages and puts his phone down. He falls back onto his bed and curls himself into a ball. He knows he should talk to Niall, but he doesn’t want to. Anger and disappointment build up inside of him. Harry knows he won’t be able to look Niall in the eyes. He tries to put the thoughts in the back of his mind as he attempts to get ready for school.</p><p>When Harry arrives at school, he ignores Niall at every cost. In their anatomy class, Niall whispers Harry’s name multiple times. Harry doesn’t make eye contact with him, he is too angry and doesn’t have time for confrontation. Niall even yells his name in the hallway before lunch. Harry ignores him again but he knows Niall is following close behind. </p><p>When Harry arrives at the lunchroom, he sits down at the empty table where he and Niall originally sat at. Surprisingly, Niall sits down right next to Harry. </p><p>Harry turns to make eye contact with Niall for the first time today. “Oh, wow! I thought you would be sitting with your junkie friends! Since they are much better friends than I am.” </p><p>Niall rolls his eyes and opens his brown paper lunch bag. </p><p>“Listen, Harry. You know you’re my best friend. I would much rather hang out with you than-” Harry cuts Niall off mid-sentence.</p><p>“No, Niall. You know that's not the real problem here. You managed to hang out with them for weeks and failed to mention to me that all you guys do is snort cocaine? That’s not you, Niall. You know that. I didn’t even recognize you last night, do you realize that? I can’t just- I can’t watch you kill yourself with that stuff,” Harry starts to get emotional and he notices Niall does too.</p><p>Tears form in Niall’s eyes as he looks down at his lap, unable to make eye contact with Harry. “I- I um, I’m really sorry, Harry. I should’ve told you, I know that. I just don’t wanna be a loser, you know? Zayn and the other guys are so cool and I was just so happy to hang out with them. I knew I shouldn't I just- I don’t know,” Niall buries his head in his hands. Harry notices his body shake slightly as he lets out a few quiet sobs. </p><p>Harry places his hand on Niall’s back. He starts to feel bad for ignoring Niall all morning. Harry doesn’t know what to say. He wants to forgive Niall, but this isn’t just a small thing. Niall could get in serious trouble and Harry would never want that for him.</p><p>“I think you should stop hanging out with them, Ni. You can find other friends, too. They’re just too much trouble and you’re gonna get hurt.” Harry removes his hand from Niall’s back as he sits up. Niall sniffs and wipes the tears off his face.</p><p>“They’re not that awful.”</p><p>“Niall, they had you snorting cocaine. You’re 15 years old, not that it’s ever okay, but we’re just kids.” </p><p>Niall stares at his lunch and Harry can tell that he’s conflicted about what to say next. </p><p>“How about I just don’t hang out with them when there are drugs involved. That’s not all they do, Harry. They like you too, you can come hang out with us. Zayn told me there’s a party tonight and that we could-”</p><p>Harry cuts Niall off. “You’re not going to another one of their parties.”</p><p>“No! It’s an actual party. Like a real high school party! We have to go, it will be fun.”</p><p>Harry is shocked that Niall thinks he would want to hang out with them again after what happened. “No. I’m not going and you’re not either. Neither one of us is hanging out with them anymore.”</p><p>Niall has a confused expression on his face. “You’re not my mom, Harry. I can control myself.”</p><p>Harry’s jaw drops slightly at Niall’s comment. “Clearly you can’t. You we’re fucking drooling on yourself last night.” Harry is shocked that Niall still desires to hang out with them again. He wonders if Niall truly wants to be friends with that group or if he just wants to fit in.  </p><p>Niall just shakes his head without saying anything else. He snorts the snot running from his nose and wipes his nose on his sleeve. </p><p>“You know that wouldn’t happen as much if you weren't-” Harry is cut off mid-sentence.</p><p>“I don’t want to hear it, Haz. I know I fucked up and I’m in a really shitty situation right now. You don’t need to rub it in my face.” Niall runs his hands through his hair and lets out a sigh. </p><p>Half of Harry feels bad for being so hard on Niall, but the other half is still angry. This isn’t something to mess around with, and if Harry has to get on Niall’s bad side to save his life then he will. </p><p>Harry doesn’t say anything else to Niall, instead, he pulls a tissue out of his bag and hands it to Niall. He takes it from Harry swiftly, without making eye contact with him, and mutters a quiet “thanks.” </p><p>Lunch goes by rather slow considering the tension between Harry and Niall. The bell rings and Harry starts to make his way to his next class. He sits down at his desk and starts to take out the materials needed for his health class. </p><p>“Harry,” He hears his name being whispered to the right of him. Harry turns his head to see Louis Tomlinson sitting in the usually empty desk.</p><p>“What are you doing in this class?” Harry asks bluntly. Louis’ smile fades as he turns his body to face Harry.</p><p>“I was gonna try to bullshit my way out of not taking this dumb class. I never signed up for it but the principal contacted my parents, and now I'm that one junior taking a freshman class.” He chuckles to himself. Harry doesn’t laugh with him, he just nods his head and turns back to the notebook that sits on his desk. <br/>Harry feels Louis still looking at him but he doesn’t turn back to him. “Um, Harry I’m really sorry about last night,” Louis says hesitantly. Harry is uncertain about what to say to Louis. He doesn’t fully understand what he is apologizing for.</p><p>“What are you sorry about?” Harry still doesn’t look at Louis and he can tell he doesn’t know what to say. “For letting Niall do that. I mean, we really didn’t pressure him but we definitely influenced him. It’s fucked up, I know. I want to stop but it's, um- it's just really hard. And the guys- they don’t want to stop, it's just messed up.” Harry looks up at Louis, slightly surprised at his response. Louis actually seems to care. </p><p>“I’m not gonna lie and say it’s okay because it’s not. I know I can’t control Niall and he’s his own person. I just don’t want to see himself get hurt and put himself into dangerous situations. So, could you maybe just stop inviting him to your little drug gatherings.” Louis is quick to shush Harry.</p><p>“Could you maybe lower your voice?” Louis aggressively whispers. Harry just rolls his eyes. Luckily their teacher starts talking so Harry doesn’t have to continue talking to Louis. He can’t believe it's only the first month of high school and he’s already wrapped in the same amount of drama as a middle school girl. </p><p>The period ends and Harry quickly gathers his things and heads out of the classroom. He starts to walk to his next class when he feels someone grab onto his bookbag. He gets yanked to the side when he realizes it’s Louis again.</p><p>“Listen, I don’t want to get on your bad side, okay? If we get caught, I- I’m dead. So can we maybe be friends?” Louis asks desperately. Harry doesn’t want to buy into his bullshit.</p><p>“So you want to be friends with me just because you're scared I’ll tell your dirty little secret?” Louis just looks at Harry, unable to give a response. Harry scoffs and starts to walk away, but Louis grabs onto him again.</p><p>“Harry, please! No, no that's not why I want to be your friend. I mean partially yes, but no. You and Niall seem cool and I just don’t want any beef between us.” Louis seems pretty genuine so Harry doesn’t start to walk away again. “There’s a party tonight at Xander’s, you and Niall could-” </p><p>Harry turns in the other direction and starts to walk away, completely uninterested at Louis’ invitation. <br/>“Harry, c’mon! Wait up!” Louis runs after Harry. Even when he’s caught up, Harry still ignores him and continues his fast-paced walking. </p><p>Harry stops and faces Louis. “We’re not going to another one of your coke parties, Louis!”</p><p>“Would you please not say that so loud! We’re in the fucking school!” Louis yells in a whisper tone again. “Listen, it’s just your average high school house party. I can’t promise there won’t be drugs, and I know for a fact there will be alcohol, but maybe just let loose for once! Have some fun. I’m not gonna force you, but you should test the waters.” Louis and Harry lock eyes shortly before Louis walks away. </p><p>Let loose. Of course, Louis would tell Harry to let loose. Their definitions of letting loose aren't exactly the same. On Harry’s walk to his next class, he considers going to the party. It’s only fair to give the guys another chance. Harry knows he’s going to end up going to parties throughout high school, and he's going to run into these problems more than just this once. Teenagers are stupid, and drugs are addictive. When you mix the two everything goes to shit. He knows he’s smart enough to stay out of it, he just wishes Niall was as well. </p><p>***</p><p>“Nialler, open this damn door!” Harry pounds on Niall’s front door for the sixth time. Harry continues aggressively knocking until the door finally opens.</p><p>A wet haired Niall opens the door with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Jesus mate! Thought I had an intruder. Had to jump out of the shower like a mad man!” Harry walks in and heads upstairs to Niall’s bedroom. </p><p>“You know, if my parents were home they would’ve kicked your arse for causing such a ruckus,” Niall says as he pulls out some sweatpants from one of his drawers. </p><p>“Well lucky me, they aren’t home,” Harry says as he throws his bag onto the floor and sits down on Niall’s bed. </p><p>“Alright, Styles. Spit it out. What's got you all pissy?” Harry glares at Niall. He knows exactly why Harry is in a bad mood. </p><p>Harry falls back and lays down. “You’re horrible.”</p><p>Niall chuckles as he drops his towel and changes into his clothes. Once Niall changes his clothes he lays down next to Harry on his bed.</p><p>“I’m going with you,” Harry says as he stares up at the ceiling. Niall turns his head to look at Harry.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m going to the party tonight. Mostly to keep tabs on you and make sure you don’t get fucked again. That’s how good of a friend I am.” Harry smiles when he turns to see Niall smirking and shaking his head. </p><p>“How wonderful! Will you be installing a tracker into my phone so you can know which room of the house I’m in at all times?” Niall asks.</p><p>Harry playfully hits Niall, which results in them slapping each other repeatedly while giggling. They continue until Harry starts to tickle Niall and he yells for mercy.</p><p>The two boys play fight for a bit longer. Eventually, they have had enough and go down to the kitchen to get something to eat. They both make ham sandwiches and quickly devour them before going back upstairs to get ready for the party.</p><p>“I’m gonna pick up a girl tonight,” Niall says as he changes from sweatpants to skinny jeans. </p><p>“Hm,” Harry hums in response. He pulls out his own black skinny jeans from the bag he brought. Harry knows Niall really wants to find a girlfriend. He doesn’t understand why he wants to have one so badly. What’s so good about having a girlfriend? Harry doesn’t have the same desire. </p><p>“I bet you will too, Haz.” Niall smiles at Harry as he grabs a button-up from his closet. </p><p>Harry shrugs. “Don’t you think that’s a bit formal for a house party?”</p><p>Niall looks at the shirt in his hand. “I need to look good if I’m gonna try and get with a girl.”</p><p>Harry wonders why Niall is so desperate to find a girl at this party. He has never talked about girls this much.</p><p>“Why do you want a girlfriend so bad?” Harry throws a band t-shirt on.</p><p>“I don’t know. Don’t you? I’m done being single, it’s lame. I’m also horny.”</p><p>Harry rolls his eyes. “I don’t really care about girls.” After Harry says that sentence, he regrets it.</p><p>Niall gives Harry an odd look. “What, are you gay or something? Not that I would care if you-“</p><p>“No! I’m not gay, Ni. I just don’t really care about getting with a girl.” Harry says, cheeks red from embarrassment. He doesn't want Niall to think he’s gay,  because he’s not. Harry hasn’t ever had a girlfriend, but that doesn’t make him gay, right?</p><p>“I’m just messing with you.” Niall playfully punches Harry’s shoulder. After Niall finishes getting dressed, he sprays some cologne onto his neck. After one spray, he adds a few more.</p><p>Harry laughs and pulls out his phone from his pocket. “You don’t need that much, Nialler,” Harry says as he scrolls through his Instagram feed. Niall responds by spraying more cologne, but this time extremely close to Harry’s face. Harry coughs and shoves Niall away from him. </p><p>Niall and Harry finish everything they need to do in order to get ready for the party. They both make their way to their bikes located in Niall’s garage. It’s a little too dark out to be riding bikes, but both the boys have no other form of transportation. Niall’s parents want him to get a job and save up for a car, but Niall has yet to find a job. Harry has worked at a local bakery for almost a year now. He used to visit the bakery every day after school, and even though he was only 13, the owner offered him a job. Even though Harry has a job, it would be incredibly difficult for him to save up for his own car. He and his mother don’t have a lot of money, and the money that Harry makes normally goes towards bills and food. Harry is content with his bicycle though, there aren’t many places he needs to be that is far away, he likes the way everything is located so close together in his little town. </p><p>The boys pedal their way to the party. Once they arrive, they notice an array of cars parked all along the side of the road. The music is blaring so loudly they could hear it multiple houses away, and flashing lights shine through the windows of the house. Harry knew this was a high school party, but he didn’t think it would look like the ones in the movies. </p><p>“This is so sick” Niall sets his bike down with his kickstand and Harry does the same. Harry starts to feel slightly nervous when he notices a group of boys carrying a box of beer inside the house. He obviously expected there to be alcohol, but it’s just all very surreal. High school is a lot different from middle school. Harry feels as though he just took a huge leap from last year, and now he is just expected to be grown up out of nowhere. </p><p>As soon as they walk through the door they are greeted by an already tipsy Zayn Malik. </p><p>“Boyssss,” Zayn yells with his arms open, drink in hand. </p><p>Niall extends his arms out and embraces Zayn. “Hey, Z.”</p><p>Harry smiles when Zayn extends his hand out and pulls him in for a hug. It’s slightly awkward, but Harry blames that on Zayn’s drunken state. </p><p>Zayn continues to converse with Niall and ends up leading him to the drinks. In an attempt to avoid any drugs and alcohol, Harry wonders in the opposite direction in hopes to run into something more mellow.</p><p>Sitting alone on the couch seems to be Harry’s most logical option at this point. To the left of him is a couple who are making out so intensely they practically having sex in front of everyone, and to his life is an extremely loud game of beer pong. </p><p>A pang of loneliness strikes through Harry. Without Niall, he has no one. He observes everyone laughing and chatting together as he sits alone. Harry has never been the type to party. and would much rather be with Niall playing video games and eating an unhealthy amount of ice cream. Yes, Harry could be hanging out with Niall at the party, but he doesn’t want to stop Niall from having fun. Harry thought he knew what Niall considered to be a good time, but he has changed. Normally he and Niall would stay up late together, watching movies and laughing at scenes that weren’t even meant to be funny. Now all Niall wants to do is party, do drugs, and have sex. Maybe Harry is the odd one out. Why doesn’t he have the same desires as Niall?</p><p>Leaving Niall was probably the worst idea Harry could’ve come up with considering that the couple to his left is now practically on top of him. Harry squeezes his way out of the situation and stands up from the couch. On his search to find Niall he runs into Liam who has his arm wrapped around his girlfriend. Megan? Mia? Harry can’t remember.</p><p>“Styles! How’s it going, mate? Need a drink?” Liam pats Harry on the back causing Harry to let out a forced laugh. </p><p>Harry doesn’t think before he speaks. “Uh, Sure.”</p><p>“That’s what I’m talking about!” Liam exclaims as he reaches into a cooler to snatch a bottle of beer. </p><p>One beer won’t hurt.</p><p>***</p><p>After reuniting with Niall, Harry ended up having a few more drinks. A few meaning he can’t remember how many he’s had and the buzz is starting to become more strong. </p><p>To Harry’s surprise, he is actually starting to have fun. He has been chatting with Liam and Zayn for awhile. The two of them aren’t as bad as Harry thought they were. Of course, Harry still holds a grudge because of their irresponsible drug usage, but their personalities are genuine and fun.</p><p>Harry loses his train of thought when someone burst into the small circle the boys have made.</p><p>“Have you guys seen Lou?” A brunette girl asks. Harry is almost certain that she is Louis’ girlfriend. He should really learn these girls names but for now, he’ll blame it on the alcohol. </p><p>The boys look at one another, yet none of them seems to know where Louis is located. </p><p>“Sorry El, we haven’t seen her since you guys got here,” Liam says. So her name is El. Harry can’t remember what it is short for. Elena? Who knows. </p><p>Disappointment is painted on El’s face after she learns that the boys also don’t know where Louis is. Harry is slightly interested now. Not that he’s friends with Louis, but why would he leave his own girlfriend at a party? </p><p>Harry decides to excuse himself from the small circle the group has made to find the restroom. He walks up the stairs and opens a few random doors before finding the bathroom. Harry closes the door behind him and begins to unzip his pants until he hears a noise coming from the bathtub. </p><p>“Oh, Fuck!” Harry swiftly zips his pants back up after he notices a girl sitting in the bathtub. The girl lifts her head up from her hands and rubs her eyes. She looks like she has been crying for quite some time. </p><p>The girl sniffs. “I’m so sorry. I’ll get out.” She wipes her tears and starts to stand up.</p><p>“No! It’s okay. I shouldn’t have barged in like that. What’s wrong?” Harry asks her, walking closer to the bathtub.</p><p>She sits back down and Harry seats himself outside of the bathtub. “You probably don’t want to hear about my problems.” She lets out a forced laugh and wipes her eyes with her sleeves once again. Harry reaches behind himself and grabs the roll of toilet paper for her. The girl mumbles a quiet thank you as she takes the roll from Harry’s grasp. She tears off a piece and blows her nose.</p><p>“I’ve got all the time in the world… Well, as long as my bladder can hold up.” Harry smiles which causes the girl to smile as well. </p><p>She keeps her eyes down as she picks at the skin around her nails. “I just… I just walked in on my boyfriend making out with someone else.” She starts to tear up again.</p><p>Harry’s smile fades as he starts to feel terrible for this poor girl. He doesn’t even know her name.</p><p>“I’m so sorry. I wish I could do more to help.” Harry says truthfully.</p><p>She wipes her eyes for about the 20th time now. “It’s not your fault, your company is enough. I’m just overwhelmed, you know? There were no signs or anything. I was completely oblivious.” she pauses. “They didn’t even notice that I walked in. It’s like I mean nothing to him.”</p><p>“Was he hanging out with her while you guys were together?”</p><p>The girl laughs. “Yeah, he hung out with him all the time.” She emphasises the male pronoun.</p><p>“Wait, so your boyfriend was making out with another dude?” Harry asks.</p><p>She leans her head against the wall and shuts her eyes. “Yup.”</p><p>Harry isn’t really sure what to say. He wonders how she didn’t notice that her own boyfriend was gay.</p><p>“My name is Amelia, by the way.”</p><p>“I’m Harry.”</p><p>Amelia smiles. </p><p>The silence becomes awkward, so Harry lets his curiosity speak.</p><p>“Who is your boyfriend?” </p><p>“Ex-boyfriend.” She corrects him. “Nick Grimshaw.”</p><p>Harry raises his eyebrows. “Nick Grimshaw is gay? The Nick Grimshaw on the soccer team?” </p><p>“Apparently so,” Amelia’s voice cracks. </p><p>“Shit, sorry. I should stop talking about it,” </p><p>Amelia shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. I need to cry it out anyways.” </p><p>Harry is shocked. He doesn’t know Nick personally but he’s seen him around with the rest of the guys. Not that Harry has any sort of problem with Nick being gay, he just wouldn’t have guessed it. This leaves him extremely curious as to who Nick was with. Of course, its none of his business, but who could blame him? Amelia did say he was with someone that he hung out with a lot. Could it be someone else on the soccer team? </p><p>Although Harry’s curiosity doesn’t fade, he decides that its an appropriate time to give Amelia some space. He also really needs to piss still. They exchange their goodbyes and Harry tells Amelia that she could sit with him at lunch since she clearly won’t be sitting with Nick anymore. </p><p>As soon as Harry opens the door to exit the bathroom, the door across the hall opens as well. The first figure to exit the room was none other than Nick Grimshaw.</p><p>Harry freezes. </p><p>Quickly following behind Nick is Louis Tomlinson. </p><p>Harry can’t help but gasp. Louis Tomlinson? Isn’t he dating that El girl? </p><p>A million questions flood through Harry’s mind. Nick doesn’t even pay attention to Harry, he just mindlessly makes his way downstairs. </p><p>Louis locks eyes with Harry before quickly breaking their gaze. He looks so nervous he might as well have the word ‘guilty’ written across his forehead in black sharpie. Louis wipes his red and puffy lips with his hands before following Nick back to the party. </p><p>Holy shit.</p><p>So Louis Tomlinson is gay. Or is he? Was he just too drunk to realize? Has he been lying to his girlfriend all this time? It’s none of Harry’s business and he’s fully aware of that, but he is intrigued. </p><p>And he doesn’t completely understand why he cares so much. Maybe it’s because he portrayed Louis as just some jock who plays soccer and snorts crack on his off days. Now Louis is a gay crack snorting jock.</p><p>Not that there’s a problem with that. The gay part at least. Harry still holds a grudge against Louis and the other boys for giving Niall coke. Maybe Harry does need to let loose. It’s just hard watching his best friend do something that completely ruined his mother. </p><p>Harry needs to stop thinking so much.</p><p>Thinking requires actually addressing trauma. Why would he ever want to do that?</p><p>Following the sound of the blaring music, Harry makes his way back to the party. He shoves his way through people dancing in grinding on each other in an attempt to find the bathroom. </p><p>His bladder is about to explode if these people don’t move out of the way.</p><p>After tripping over some drunk girl lying on the ground, Harry finally made it to his destination. He uses the restroom and thoroughly washes his hands before making his way back to his group.</p><p>Everyone is in the same small circle except Louis has now made himself apart of it, arm wrapped around El’s waist. </p><p>For some reason, Harry feels sick to his stomach. </p><p>Maybe he should tell Niall. It could be a bad idea considering Niall doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut, but Harry can’t just keep this information inside. If he doesn’t tell someone, he might just explode. It feels like he might burst, almost how his bladder did a few moments ago, but this time it’s his thoughts, not his piss. </p><p>Jesus, he needs another drink.</p><p>“Nialler!” Harry yells as he approaches the group.</p><p>“There you are! Did you take the most massive shit in eternity? You were gone forever!” Niall says waving his arms in the air. </p><p>Harry ignores his comment. “Come get another drink with me, yeah?”</p><p>“Of course!” Niall walks out of the circle of people and chugs whatever he has left in his disposable cup.</p><p>Harry grabs a beer from a cooler in the kitchen and Niall does the same. They both pour their drinks into their cups silently. </p><p>The music seems to be getting louder, or maybe Harry’s just paying more attention to it. He feels weird. Maybe he’s tipsier than he thought he was, or maybe he’s just overwhelmed. Why is he so caught up in this? So what if Louis Tomlinson is gay? That’s none of his business. It’s none of his business if he’s cheating on his girlfriend either. </p><p>“Hello? Earth to Harry!” Niall waves his hand in front of Harry’s face”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>With a roll of the eyes, Niall chuckles. “I said, are you having fun?” </p><p>“Oh, yeah. Loads.”</p><p>“That wasn’t very convincing.” </p><p>Harry smiles. He can’t tell if it was genuine or fake. “I’m having fun, Niall. I’m just tired. Let’s go back to everyone else, yeah?”</p><p>Niall and Harry walk back into the living room and reenter the circle of soccer players and their girlfriends.</p><p>Harry looks at Louis and they lock eyes once again, just like they did upstairs.</p><p>Louis rapidly breaks looks away. </p><p>This is going to be a long night.</p>
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